Ziva's Story
by My Whole Life Is Thunder
Summary: Another sequal to "It's Hard To Say Goodbye" from Ziva's POV. Ziva dealing with her feelings about leaving the team, meeting a new man, her new team, what she hears about the team she left behind, and Tony's death.


What is happening to my family? My friend and the man I loved Tony died a little over a month ago and the man I see as a father well he died too maybe not in the physical sense like Tony but, the Gibbs I know is dead and in his place is some shell like creature that's completely miserable all the time. I couldn't even stay with that team I hated looking at Tony's desk and knowing he wouldn't ever sit there again. I knew I couldn't handle a new Probie sitting there and I remembered how I felt when I was new and sitting at the desk of the person I replaced. How they treated me and I can't promise I wouldn't treat the probie like that and I just don't think that would be right at all. So I took a Team Leaded position in France which was a strange idea I only became a full agent just under a year ago.

I met a man named Colin on the plane who is running an Orphanage in France he offered me an apartment in the guest house which would have been for the help back in the old days.

I hate myself but, I think I am falling in love with him. Tony has only been dead a little over a month and I love somebody else. It's sick! Honestly I am disgusted with myself. I made a big deal about being devastated when Tony died because I loved him only to fell for another man the night of his funeral. I promised myself I'd never become a girl like that and yet I am.

As for my "family" I don't know about them. I guess they are coping as best they can. I talked to Abby last night she said she was pregnant with Tim's baby I guess she's about a month along. I don't think she should be telling people yet she is so early in the pregnancy and especially considering the stress she is under miscarriage is likely. Oh well not my kid not my problem I guess. She also said Gibbs hasn't come back yet I am getting worried about him. According to her he still seems severely depressed. She said Vance was being nice and patient I guess losing Tony shook him too. Funny I didn't think anything could shake Vance then again I didn't think Gibbs could break either. She said Ducky is quiet and seems lonely Ducky quiet that blows my mind more than anything else She said Jimmy is standing up for himself now I guess when Gibbs attacked him he realized he needed to man up. It still seems strange though. Everything seems strange now though I hate that we are falling apart like this.

As for being a team leader like I said I am barely a full agent so it is strange. My team kind of reminds me of team Gibbs. I am Gibbs of course gruff but, I care very deeply for my team. My Senior Field Agent is Jacque LeNoir who is the French Tony from a wealthy family but cared for by nannies and shipped off all the time, annoying movie buff who acts like a child he makes me smile but, miss Tony even more. Terry McPhee who is so much like Tim the geeky type and part time author. Soliel Allen pronounced Aileen who is well me she was part of the Iranian army and is now an agent (I think her and Jacque are like mea and Tony.). Our ME Danny Lucas is so much like Ducky a great story teller who loves all of us except he is from England. Our Forensic Specialist Annie Spiro is just like Abby an energetic Goth the only difference is that she is Muslim. Our ME Assistant Joey Pelzer is a lot like Jimmy the geeky sweet type he is engaged to a woman named Becky they are getting married in the fall.

Right now I am sitting in the bathroom in my apartment staring at the stick. I took the test that morning but, had to rush out to work. I look down at it with the little pink plus sign on it. I hear a knocking on the door.

"Ziva? Are you alright?" I hear Colin ask. "Dinner is ready if you want to join us." "Ziva?"

I open the door Colin sees the tears in my eyes.

"What's wrong?" He asks

"I'm pregnant." I say.

"Who's the father?" He asks

"Tony" I say

"I thought Tony died over a month ago." Colin said.

"He did one night about a month before he died me and Tony made love and I found out he was pregnant just before he died but, I figured I had lost the baby I had some bleeding and…" My voice trail off and I started to cry remembering what happened,

_I was standing in my apartment one night. Tony had been out that day he said he had an appointment. Suddenly I heard a knocking on my door I answered it and saw Tony he looked really upset. I asked him what was wrong and he started going on and on about life being short and fragile, and how if you want something you should go for it. I was confused but, figured he had been drinking and let him in so he didn't drive anywhere else. He practically throws himself at me and we make love. I found out I was pregnant the day he collapsed. I was late to work because I kept taking tests after five I realize its official. I walked into work so happy I was going to tell Tony at the end of the day. I never got the chance two hours later he collapsed and was rushed to the hospital, we found out he had leukemia and pneumonia. I was so hoping he had a chance of getting better so we could be a family instead we were told he was dying. Gibbs "died' right there in the waiting room. I never told Tony he was so weak and I knew telling him would hurt him to much knowing he was dying while I was carrying his child. So I just said goodbye. I didn't take care of myself during that time and the day after Tony died I had bleeding I figured I lost the baby yet another reason that I wanted to leave. I mourned my losses until yesterday when Danny said he thought I was pregnant he had been an OBG/YN for years so he knew. I took the test and it was positive now I am not sure what to do the father is dead and I am in love with another man._


End file.
